Constant Change

Last Sunday, March 21, my senior students had their graduation ceremony. In one way or another, all of them had become my friends during their last year in college, when I handled a couple of their classes. A few of them, though, were already my close friends even before that. In this particular batch of graduates, I have the last set of people who knew me when I was still a student.

Graduation is always bittersweet. It's sad for me to realize that I will probably no longer be able to see these friends ever again. What strikes me most, though, is the fact that some of them were really close to me in the past, but no longer are. This is the unfortunate truth about relationships and friendships: they change. It's difficult to maintain an unchanging bond with someone for a long period of time. Things happen, conflicts arise, and people change, or move away. This is not something I realized just now because of my students graduating. It's actually something I noticed from a lot of my past relationships.

This truth brings out a fear in me because I am so scared of losing a person in my life right now. Sadly, it's this very fear that caused me to lose people in the past. I used to be really afraid of giving myself to people. I didn't want to be at the losing end of things. Ironically, it's only now when I'm trying to give myself without holding back and throwing caution to the wind that I feel happy.

I don't how this entry went from graduation to realizations in just a few paragraphs. I guess my point is that nothing is permanent in this world except change. But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't give all of ourselves to the people we care about. What is important is the present, and we need to recognize how precious it is and how we should value the people who are currently in our lives. This also is the only way that we will be able to make lasting relationships.

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Befriending Depression

It's almost unbelievable how so many of my close friends have depression. Just a few years ago, I wasn't even aware that depression was an illness. Now, I see that a number of the people dearest to me have it. And no, I'm not talking about "my-girlfriend-or-boyfriend-broke-up-with-me" grief here. I'm talking about the real thing, as described in this article (there is a better description somewhere, but I can't seem to find it at the moment). It makes me wonder, has depression really become so common? Or am I just a magnet for people with depression? Thinking about it, yes would probably be my answer to both questions.

I'm no expert, but while I do know that depression is sometimes caused by a person's genetic makeup, I also think that the lives we lead today can cause a lot of stress that can eventually lead to depression. We live fast-paced, hectic, and oftentimes impersonal lives. All around us we are bombarded by expectations of what we should do or who we should become. It's difficult to measure up sometimes.

As a Scorpio, I'm naturally very emotionally intense and introspective. I just don't have the ability to deal with people who have a shallow outlook on life. I think it's easy for me to get attached to people who have depression because I've found out that their depth of feeling and emotion is something I can really connect with. They are the type of people with the deepest, purest, and most beautiful personalities. Unconsciously, I pick them out from all the friends I have and put them in this special place in my heart. I'm not afraid to bare my heart out to them because I know they'll get me. (I hope they know I get them, too.)

Experts say that having a friend or loved one who is depressed is very difficult. That's probably true, but it really doesn't matter to me. Having them in my life is completely worth it. I also like to think that if there are people who can understand depression and deal with it, I'm one of them. I've been blessed with the optimism and determination to balance out some of their negativity. I don't want to change them (they're already amazing as they are), but I'll always hope that in one way or another, I'm able to make a mark in their lives and make them even just a teeny bit happier.

My friends who are depressed complement my existence in ways I cannot describe in words. They have taught me so many things about life that I would never have learned from other people, the most important of which is that I have to be grateful. I have to be grateful that I have the ability to feel happiness, because if you are depressed, that is a gift you just cannot seem to have. I love them to pieces and would never trade their presence in my life for anything in the world.

P.S. Depression is more common than we think. Please learn more about it. You never know who among your loved ones might be suffering from it.

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The Truth About My Japanese Adventure

My dearest friend while I was an exchange student in Japan, Annie, is back in the Land of the Rising Sun. She made a post about her new experiences that made me ponder on things.

I've always been somewhat indifferent, if not negative, about some of my experiences during my stay there. Japan, as a country, has never been an interest of mine. The main reason I applied for the scholarship was because I wanted to study abroad, and it was the only one available. But I'm wondering, if I had given it the chance, would Japan have been more appealing? I've never really pondered that much about my stay there, and I've never told people about the things I loved and hated about the country. Maybe it's time I did.

I loved the trains. I loved how the leaves changed colors in autumn. I loved the food, karaoke, and the grills found in the middle of the table (Korean, I believe). I loved the vending machines, green tea, and the absence of cars on a lot of the roads. I loved the temples, shrines, and the abundance of World Heritage Sites. I loved the not-so-cold winter.

On the other hand, I hated the extremely hot summer, made worse by cemented pathways all around. I hated being the object of racism. I was horrified watching men take seats on trains and on chairs while their wives either stood up or sat on the floor. I didn't like the too hot baths and warm air conditioning. I disliked the fashion, and how their malls were set up. I disliked having to bag my own groceries, and how everything was so expensive. I hated how no one spoke English. Japan is a fun place if you have special people around you, but if you are alone, it's one hell of a lonely place. Most of all, I hated how the Japanese men seemed really sleazy, and how girls were portrayed as sex objects by the society.

Having said that, I realize now that I might have dwelt too much on the bad instead of appreciating the good. I will probably always have a love-hate relationship with Japan; but that's normal, I guess. There are pros and cons to everything in this world. Despite my sentiments, I am still eternally grateful for the experience, and most especially, for the friendships I forged.

I swore to myself that I would never, ever live in Japan again. Now, I find myself wishing I had the resources to visit. Today, thanks to Annie's post, I had an epiphany--and if I did get the chance to visit in the future, I will be more open and will try to embrace the country and culture without any prejudice.

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Humph.

The weather is very fine today. The sun is out and it's warm! WHY WAS THE WEATHER YESTERDAY NOT THE SAME AS TODAY?!?!? Grrrrr!

Humph!

Well, anyway...

Happy Birthday, Apyang!
I wish you all the best and all the happiness in life, gurl!

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