Revival

Wow. I didn't blog at all in 2015. That kinda makes me sad. I've always wanted to keep my blog as active as I can, but sometimes life just gets away from you. Now, it's 2016 and I feel like I have a fresh start.

I officially marked my 3rd year in Canada in December. I love this country. To bits. But I have to admit that moving here has not been without its challenges. To be honest, I didn't even notice that something was wrong, but I think being away from my support system, my amazing friends from back home, took its toll on me. I felt just a tad bit lost.

I think I'm finally finding my way.

Since moving to Red Deer in December of 2013, I have developed friendships with some wonderful ladies. I'm also now part of a kick-ass book club whose meetings I look forward to every month. I now hold a permanent position at work--as a systems analyst for the 911 Dispatch Centre, no less--a position that I am still in awe of every day. I even started a business!

I'm still working on getting my ducks in a row, but hopefully I'll get there soon. My biggest goals this year are to save for a house, work on my fitness, and of course, travel. It's been 3 years since my passport last got stamped. It's time to get on that again!

With that, I'd like to end my post with a photo I took 2 years ago, when I first moved to Red Deer. It was close to Christmas, and Bower Ponds had just opened for skating season. It was magical. The photo reminds me of a scene from a Christmas card, and I think I fell in love with Red Deer that night.

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Fragile

Last night, I found out that the daughter of a former colleague of mine in the Philippines passed away. She was only 17 years old.

It is devastating. I watched this girl grow up. She would often come to the office, a smile always on her face. She would be at our Christmas parties, and other special events. It always felt like we were all family at the College of Computer Studies in Silliman University, so hearing what happened is just unbelievable. I can't even fathom how devastated her mother must be.

I don't have the complete details but the doctors say it was congenital brain aneurysm. She was out with her classmates on Monday night when she suddenly fainted. She went into a coma and never woke up. Around two days later, she'd passed away.

Events like this make you realize how fleeting and bittersweet life can be. In fact, it can be downright scary. But I guess it is also moments like this that motivate us to treasure our loved ones and live life to the fullest.

In a Viber conversation, my friend Charina said it best: "We are so fragile. God is our only strength."

Rest in peace, Rouellyn.

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This Is Where I Belong

Last week, I passed my 6-month probation at work. I'm relieved. This job has been really good for me, and I'm glad that my supervisor is extremely happy with all the work I've done so far.

I remember when I was in high school. I was debating between taking up Political Science (to go into law school) or Information Technology. I chose the later. I wanted to be a Systems Analyst. I figured that moving forward, computers would make the world go round. I was right, and I can't believe that here I am, in my first IT job in Canada, and I am a Systems Analyst. I've got a lot to be thankful for.

A Systems Analyst practically means problem solver, and the job is not without stresses. Working with archaic systems would be the first issue. Then you have your users. Patient though they might be, it's still concerning when your main purpose in the workplace is to solve their problems. But I feel right at home. This is what I spent years in school for. This is what I'm supposed to be doing.

Recently, I've been regretting not wanting to go to med school when I was younger. After all, my horoscope says I would do best as a surgeon. Unfortunately, the thought only occurred to me about a couple of years ago. It's definitely too late. But it's okay. I'm content. On almost every single day, I'm in the mindset that I would rather not be doing anything else. 

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Smells Fishy

I love fish, especially fish heads! My husband thinks this is super gross, but when fresh from salt water and cooked properly, they are actually very tasty. When I was in the Philippines, I took fish for granted. In fact, I would sometimes sulk, because my parents are huge fish eaters, and it seemed all we ate was fish fish fish. Now, living in Alberta, I actually miss having good, fresh fish.

I'm sorry to say that the fish available in Alberta suck. It's quite understandable because it's a land-locked province in a country with the second largest land area in the world. I now completely understand why most Albertans dislike eating fish. Because by golly, I can barely stand eating fish here. Only salmon and haddock taste like they're supposed to. The rest are just gross.

I remember last year when we went to T&T Supermarket in Edmonton. T&T is an Asian food store and I was so happy because they had fish heads for sale. I bought one and when it was time for me to cook it, it was the grossest smelling thing ever! I think it might have already gone bad. To make it worse, because of the pungent odor, we suddenly had a whole bunch of flies trying to get into our place. Despite the bug screen, some of them got in. While there's only flies here for a couple of months a year, they're big and nasty. I think it took days before we finally got rid of the stink from the apartment and longer to get rid of a couple of flies lurking around. Needless to say, it was my most horrifying fish-cooking experience to date.

 Recently, I've been craving milkfish...

Milkfish is the national fish of the Philippines, and it's very abundant in the country because of aquaculture. I love milkfish--not the cultured ones, but the ones from the ocean. Again, I was overjoyed when I found milkfish for sale at the Real Canadian Superstore. Fresh, er... frozen from Taiwan, I thought it would taste as good as I remember.

Durrr. This particular stock was obviously cultured, and it made me remember why I didn't like cultured milkfish in the first place. It stunk up our place again. It wasn't nearly as bad as the previous fiasco, but enough to put a grimace on my face. I really need to learn, and stop buying fish in this province.

I guess what I've realized is, there is definitely a reason why different people in different parts of the world like to eat different things. Fish might not be desirable in Alberta, but beef is, and it's the exact opposite in the Philippines. I'm hoping others realize this too, and not limit themselves to what they are used to in their part of the world.

Maybe, just maybe, I will miss good fish so much and it would make me want to vacation in the Philippines. It hasn't happened yet, though. Now lechon, on the other hand... that might just be another story.

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El Pooch-o

Yeah, yeah. I know that's not how you say dog in Spanish, but that is how my husband likes to call them anyway. And yup, we have a new little pooch.

I never thought I would like small dogs, but when we moved into our new place last month, we were surrounded by little doggies. We wanted one then too, especially since both my husband and I are dog lovers. We didn't have enough space for a big dog, and a puppy was out of the question since our landlady wasn't too keen on us having one, so we looked at adopting a small, adult dog.

I can't believe we found our Curly through Kijiji. For those who don't know, Kijiji is like Craigslist to Canadians. It seems totally random to adopt a dog through Kijiji, but that's what happened to us. His old family had to find another home for him because they were now only allowed two dogs at their residence, and they had three. Luckily, out of all the people who expressed interest in Curly, his previous owners chose us, and we couldn't be happier.

Curly is said to be a Bichon Frisé and Shih Tzu cross. This mix is also called a Zuchon or a Shichon. He doesn't shed pretty well at all and is such a good little boy. He's happy and well-behaved and loves to cuddle. He's absolutely adorable!

We take Curly everywhere. We just took him to Banff National Park last week and that was pretty awesome. We're can't go everywhere now because we have him, but we don't regret it. He has been such a wonderful addition to our lives.

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The Landing

When you come to Canada as a permanent resident, you're often referred to as a "landed immigrant". It doesn't matter if you've visited the country before on a tourist or work visa, you're only "landed" when you enter the country as a permanent resident. This status is coveted by a lot of people, especially Filipinos.

Because my husband is Canadian, acquiring the permanent resident visa for me was relatively easy. I say relatively because all I needed to do was prove to the immigration officials that our relationship is real. I didn't need to speak French, have amazing work experience, or come up with "show money" to get my visa. Despite that, the application was not without difficulty. It was still a long and painful process.

It took exactly 9 months  from the time Citizenship and Immigration Canada (CIC) received my application to the time I received my visa. This time frame excluded the more or less five months I needed beforehand to come up with all the required documents. When your life is on hold and you're away from a loved one for this amount of time, it isn't easy. It was probably one of the most stressful times in my life.

When I received my visa on November 29, 2012, the stress wasn't over. My medicals were set to expire on December 19, and as per Canadian immigration regulations, your visa expires when your medicals do. That only meant one thing--I had to land in Canada on or before December 19! My husband quickly purchased a ticket for December 11.

I crossed the Pacific on Philippine Airlines (PAL) flight PR 106, flying direct from Manila to Vancouver. It took all of eleven and a half hours. Holy crap! I thought that flight would never end. It wasn't really bad, it was just boring. The plane was an older Airbus A340 that didn't have Audio/Video On Demand, so I basically just sat there, trying my damnedest to sleep because that seemed to be what everyone was doing. Of course, I came ready with a netbook + movies and books, but when the cabin is dark and everyone seems to be asleep... let's just say I didn't have the heart to turn my reading lights on.

Thankfully, despite some major turbulence over Alaska (hello, Sarah Palin), we arrived in Vancouver safe and sound, and even twenty minutes ahead of schedule. When the airplane's wheels touched the runway, I had tears of joy. It was only then that I finally allowed myself to breathe a sigh of relief.

The Vancouver International Airport is beautiful. It's new, not crowded, and well laid out. After I got my luggage, I had to go through the border guards. This was the most important step of all--these guys had the power to allow or deny my entry into Canada. Fortunately, it was a breeze. There were no lines, the immigration officer got impressed with my English, and even spoke to me in Japanese when he learned I once lived in Japan. It took all of five minutes. I was finally landed!

My husband was right there, waiting at the greeting area. Finally, we were together! And then, for my first meal in Canada, I had a sub from an airport branch of the Canadian icon, Tim Hortons--a very, very fitting welcome meal, I say.

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Home Away From Home

For the longest time, I felt like I was born in the wrong country, that I was meant to be somewhere else, and meant to be with someone who was not where I was. When I met, and then married my husband, it was an unexpected yet somehow fated falling into place.


Now, I live in Canada. Alberta, to be exact. I arrived on December 11, 2012. It's been less than two months, and I'm thousands of miles away from what used to be my home, but being here already feels more like home to me than any place I've lived in. It's not even because the place is beautiful (I know it is but I can barely tell right now because of all the snow covering everything), or that it's glamorous (because it's not really), or that it's easy-breezy to live here (because it's also not), but it just... fits.

I remember when I lived in Japan. I never felt like I truly belonged. I always felt like an outsider, especially because of the color of my skin. Canada doesn't make you feel like that at all. It's very multi-ethnic, and most of the time, I don't even remember that I'm not of the same race as the locals. Canadians are also very polite and humble people, and that makes living in their country even more desirable.

I'm not surprised that I don't miss home at all. I wish I could share this experience with my parents and my close friends, but that is all. There's no pining for my motherland and it's eccentricities just yet, and I don't know if there ever will be. For now, I'm just happy to be with my husband, in this province, in this country. I don't want to be anywhere else.

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New Puter

The last time I owned a desktop computer was in 2006. It's been so long! Ever since then, it's been laptops and netbooks for me, but not that I prefer them! It's good to own one to bring around, but really, your computer at home should be a desktop. They're easier on the eyes, wrists, and even on the budget! So I'm very happy today because I have a new computer. I got tired of peering into my uber tiny netbook. I couldn't handle it anymore! My Android phone and iPod Touch do not help in the size department either.

My new puter isn't exactly high-end, but it's the best I've laid hands on in years. If you can peer into the screenie below, you might be able to make out the specs.

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One Year After the Whirlwind Civil Wedding

I can't believe it's been a year... but it really has been! One year ago today, my husband and I had our civil wedding ceremony--my original big day It was a whirlwind wedding, and it was going to be a proper church wedding, too. But we didn't want to take the risk.

Because of work, my husband can only be in the Philippines for 3 weeks at a time. And based on what people from the local civil registrar and the Catholic church told me, I realized that it was virtually impossible to come up with both government and church wedding requirements in that amount of time. So we decided on a civil wedding first, to be followed by a church wedding later, because the former, traditionally in the Philippines, always entails less effort and resources, and is much easier to do. (And there had to be a church wedding because... well, I live in the Philippines, and, I don't think I would have been happy without one--not to mention my parents!)

My husband arrived in the Philippines on August 21. I met him in Manila because his flight was delayed and he had to stay there overnight. We were scheduled for a seminar on the 23rd at the local civil registrar in Dumaguete, and an appearance at the Canadian consulate in Cebu to acquire his Legal capacity to marry on the 24th. We arrived in Dumaguete on the 22nd, and found out that the seminar was moved to the 24th! Thankfully, we were able to change our appointment at the consulate to the 23rd, so we immediately went to Cebu the next day, retrieved the needed document, and returned to Dumaguete for the seminar. Only after the seminar did we get all the needed requirements to apply for a marriage license, so apply we did on that day, and we were asked to wait 10 days for the mandatory listing of banns.

We finally got our marriage license on the 5th of September. We immediately went to the Hall of Justice in the city to find out if a judge could marry us on our desired wedding date, September 8. But we found out that there needed to be a "raffle" to choose the judge who would marry us, and that said raffle was only going to take place on the 8th. We didn't have time, because we were scheduled to leave for Hong Kong on the 9th on a honeymoon that we'd already planned beforehand.

The staff at the Hall of Justice told us to check the adjacent towns of Sibulan and Bacong and see if we could find a judge there, because no raffle was needed in their single sala courts. So we went to Sibulan, and found a judge... only he was busy the succeeding days, and said: "Why don't I just marry you now? I'll give you one hour to prepare."

So that's what we did! The dress that I was supposed to wear was still at the modiste, and my husband's wedding pants were still wet from the laundry because of Church from the day before... but we got married. I wore an old dress, and my husband wore blue jeans (like a true Albertan?), but we got hitched, with my parents, my husband's mom, a close friend, and the staff at the Sibulan Municipal Trial Court as witnesses. Three days later, on the date we originally wanted for our wedding, September 8, we had a reception with around 50 people in attendance. My husband and I were finally able to wear the wedding clothes we'd prepared.

Phew!

Now, it's been a year... and although my husband and I are still not physically together (darn that visa that's taking so long to arrive), I'm extremely grateful to God for my husband and the beautiful year we've had together. I pray for more beautiful years to come.

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The Church Wedding

Last year, I made an entry about getting hitched in a civil wedding ceremony. I also mentioned the need for a church wedding to appease my parents and conform to society. On June 30, 2012, it finally happened. After almost one year of preparation and stressing out, the day finally came.

The theme of the wedding was rustic. The colors were light pink and matte gold with touches of chocolate brown. I'll let the pictures tell the story.

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Hitched

A close friend of mine told me last year that I would get married in 2011. I laughed at him. I did not even have a boyfriend at that time, how could I get married this year? Little did I know, my friend's prediction would come true.

I got married in a civil ceremony last month. Of course, as the Philippines--and my mother--are highly religious, a church wedding will have to follow. Not much has changed because my husband is still away from me in the meantime, but it still feels surreal. I have a new last name?! I still need to get used to it.

I guess that's how life is. It's full of surprises. You never know what's coming around the corner. Your best bet is to go with the flow. And when something feels right, there's no reason to hold back. So that's what I've done: jumped in! And I look forward to beautiful things ahead.

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The Gift

It is a common belief in the Philippines that if you complete the Simbang Gabi, or nine-day novena of dawn masses before Christmas, you will get something you fervently wish for. I have completed Simbang Gabi for the last three years without having my mom force me into it. The first year, I prayed for a scholarship to Europe. I was so confident God would grant my wish, too. After all, I completed my Christmas novena just a few months earlier. But oh no. I had some computer errors when I was taking the TOEFL (part of the requirements), so the results arrived too late and I wasn't able to apply. God didn't grant me my wish. The next year, I went through a major heartbreak. Reeling from that, I asked God that Christmas that the person I was then "rebounding" on, be "the one." He wasn't, either.

I was astounded by the two succeeding heartbreaks, almost unbelieving that God would do something so cruel. I really did not know where my life was going. Work was there, but surely I could not live just for work alone. I was just not that type of person. It was a trying time, and I remember a friend trying to console me with the verse from Jeremiah 29:11, something I really tried to hold on to:

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

The next year, I'd learned my lesson. My previous efforts had been futile, and I did not ask for anything specific anymore. I just asked God to arrange my life according to His plans. This was last Christmas. Little did I know I was in for a treat.

On December 25, 2010, I joined a penpal site. I was only expecting to find friends, but I found something more. I found someone who felt so right. I finally met him in person in April, and then we got engaged.

Now, I feel that spring has finally begun and my life is about to start; that this is what I was destined to do, and that this is God finally giving me my heart's desire. The fact that I joined the site instrumental in making me meet my fiancé on Christmas Day does not escape me. It just reinforces the feeling that he truly is a gift from above, something I am extremely thankful for.

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I got hit

After driving for four and a half years, I had my first car accident yesterday. And I'm still seething from it.

This 50-something man, in his easyride pick-up, just merged into traffic from the opposite side. He checked the traffic coming in his direction, but didn't mind that I was driving along on his blind side. I didn't even have time to stop, because although I saw him (stopped somewhere on my left side), I didn't even think I had to stop! Who in their right mind merges with traffic when there is an oncoming vehicle? In most countries all over the world, if two vehicles arrive on a certain spot at the same time, the vehicle on the right has the right of way, which in yesterday's case was me. And this wasn't even an intersection! I was just driving along in almost bumper-to-bumper traffic, and someone tried to run me off the road!

I guess he didn't see me coming, or else he wouldn't have tried to merge. But now my car has a huge dent on the driver's side door and right above my left front wheel. And the thing that infuriates me the most is that this man had the audacity to get out of his car, yell at me, tell me it was my fault, and then drive away in a hurry. I didn't even have time to get his plate number! I wanted to call the police, have them investigate the scene and see whose fault it really was, but how could I, when the other vehicle already got away? If it was truly my fault, then why was he the one in such a hurry to leave?

I feel so bullied by that man and it makes me so angry! So to all drivers out there, especially women (and especially if you're in the Philippines), let my experience be a lesson to you. Don't ever let anyone bully you in a traffic accident! If you're physically okay and there's no traffic enforcer around, immediately get the plate number of the vehicle who hit you. Forget about arguing, get the plate number first. I wasn't expecting the person who hit me to drive off, but he did, and I'm left to deal with this dent on my car alone. My only consolation is that I wasn't harmed and I was on my old Kia, not on our new SUV. But I am still extremely pissed off, and there's nothing I can do but let karma deal with that bastard who hit me. Now that is just a bitch.

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Love Day

Last year, I had a cringe-inducing Valentine's Day. Let's not dwell on the details, but let's just say that being single, I made the mistake of going out with my mom, to a nice restaurant, where all the other diners were couples--an experience I will always remember not to let happen again. In the ensuing weeks, I immediately worried about this year's Valentine's Day. Yes, as early as March 2010, I was already worrying about Valentine's 2011.

But lo and behold! It's Valentine's Day 2011, and even though I do not have a date (he is far away), I have never felt so loved in my life. Just a few hours ago, I received a lovely bouquet of roses. Yes, the first ever that is not from family, female friends, or that was not given as a prank. What is it they say? God provides?

Every day should be Valentine's Day, but I hope everyone is feeling especially loved and appreciated today. For those who are not quite there yet, though, there's only one thing I can say: don't stop believing.

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A Letter

Dear God,

I know that during my birthday, I act weird. I go emotional, and I dwell about the things I do not have in my life. But I do not want to be ungrateful, because I really am so thankful for everything I have in my life. Thank you most of all, for all the blessings I have received. I have never lacked nor wanted for anything and I know that's more than a lot of people in this world can say. For that, I'm truly grateful. Thank you for my parents who have always been so supportive, and for the wonderful friends I have who put up with me every single day. I thank you, too, for the things and circumstances that do not go my way, because I know they shape me into becoming a better person. Above all, thank you for my character--my resilience and my optimism that allow me to stand up again each time I fall. I really do not know where my life is going, but there's nothing I can do except trust that you will make things turn out the way they should. There is nothing else I can ask for myself except that in my everyday existence, help me to do things according to your will... because I know that is the only thing that matters.

Love,
Flo

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Panic Mode

Tomorrow starts my comprehensive exams for masters, a series of 9 exams in total over 3 days for 9 of the 12 subjects I took up over the past 1 year and a half. I am panicking, because I really am not ready. I tried studying for a few hours last Friday at Bo's Coffee, but I covered very little only. That's my problem when the exam is still far (yes, 3 days before the date is far for me), my mind tends to wander... and instead of studying, I ended up starting to write a story involving coffee while I was there. Pffft!

I am a little bit upset because I have been somewhat busy with work the past few days (that comes first), but now, just 12 hours before the exam, studying is actually better. I breeze through the notes very fast, and it's like I can internalize them better. I've never been a studious person, but I'm really afraid that fact will someday bite me in the bum. I feel like I am never ready for exams, not like other people I know who study for hours and hours and hours. I'm sort of panicking... but not really... because I know this is my style. I just hope I won't have to pay for this tomorrow. And can you imagine I squeezed in time to blog? It relaxes me. Seriously though, I must be crazy for wasting the already little time I have left.

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My Bucket List

A lot of people are making bucket lists.

What is a bucket list? Well, it's a list of things you want to do before you die, and it was made popular with the movie The Bucket List starring Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. I have yet to see the movie--I will watch it soon, I promise--but I've made my own bucket list.

With where I am in life now, a lot of the items in my list seem almost impossible to achieve. But no matter. Anything is possible. And making this list has been truly enlightening, because I now have a vague idea on the direction which I must steer my life.

My Bucket List

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I wanted a perfect ending...

Beautiful quote, this.

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Eat Pray Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia

In her early thirties, Elizabeth Gilbert had everything a modern American woman was supposed to want--husband, country home, successful career--but instead of feeling happy and fulfilled, she felt consumed by panic and confusion. This wise and rapturous book is the story of how she left behind all these outward marks of success, and of what she found in their place. Following a divorce and a crushing depression, Gilbert set out to examine three different aspects of her nature, set against the backdrop of three different cultures: pleasure in Italy, devotion in India, and on the Indonesian island of Bali, a balance between worldly enjoyment and divine transcendence.

Finally, I am done reading the book. Eat Pray Love is the first memoir I have ever read, and to sum it up in a word: empowering.

As mentioned in the synopsis, Eat Pray Love chronicles Elizabeth Gilbert's journey to three countries after a devastating divorce, trying to find herself and her happiness. This memoir is something that would appeal to a lot of women, especially those who are currently unhappy or confused. Early on in her book, I found out that I was able to relate to her almost completely. These lines feel like I could have written them myself:

...I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have my everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dog's money, my dog's time--everything. If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else.

And no, that doesn't mean I like to cheat. I've just noticed that I could never get over a person until I found someone else. Rebound relationships? Not good.

Later on, there is another paragraph that I can almost consider mine.

I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and then I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.

This very accurately describes all relationships I've had in the past.

For me, Eat Pray Love has been extremely timely and helpful. It's like a wake-up call, making me realize mistakes I've been doing with my life. It has also allowed me to be more spiritual and to be closer to my God, to always be thankful of whatever comes my way, and to do good to the world. But perhaps the most important thing this book has given me is cementing the belief that everything I need to be happy is not out there, but already inside me. I just need to look for it and find it.

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On Eagles' Wings

The theme for Silliman University's Founder's Day celebration this year is "Silliman @ 109: Raised on Eagles' Wings." And for the past two semesters, all I've been hearing about in sermons during university Christian convocations is the grace of eagles while soaring above the wind.

What does it mean then, to be raised on eagles' wings?

The eagle is one of the strongest birds in the world, and it is able to glide for hours at a time. When it flies, it doesn't flap its wings wildly. Instead, it waits patiently for the wind to come and glides with it as soon as it arrives. Thus, by just spreading its wings and riding the wind, it is able to maintain its strength. Because an eagle soars above the wind, it is able to evade storms beneath.

God is the wind, and when He raises us on eagles' wings, we are able to soar above life's problems. In order to be like the eagle, we need to wait for God's timing--the right wind.

I've never really been good at waiting. I've been very good at prematurely flapping my wings and fighting. This is why certain things in my life do not work out, and it is what I need to stop doing. I need to let go of all control, learn how to wait, and learn how to glide with the wind.

So please, God... help me keep still.

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