Siquijor Once More

In 2006, I visited Siquijor for the first time. I fell in love with the place immediately. Last week I was able to visit the isla again, this time for the 6th Regional Convention of PSITE 7, an organization of Information Technology educators in Region 7.

I did not originally plan to join this year's PSITE 7 convention. I attended it last year because it was held in Dumaguete, but I wasn't planning to travel to Siquijor to attend it this year, until we were required to do so for one of our masters classes. The trip, which I honestly was not looking forward to so much at the beginning, turned out to be really fun and fruitful. It was held in Salagdoong Beach Resort (the exact same place I visited in 2006), a government-owned resort tucked away in the town of Maria. Because of the resort's remote location and the lack of things to do in the area (bad cellphone signal, no Internet access), all the participants were able to focus on the convention and on getting to know the people who were in attendance. Research papers and projects were presented, issues in IT education were discussed, and contacts were established. I even got ideas for my project proposal from one of the presentations!

Of course, since we were visitors in Siquijor, we had to go around and visit some of the island's tourist spots.

Cambugahay Falls

Lazi Church

Lazi Convent

One interesting spot in Siquijor for me is Coco Grove Beach Resort, one of the top-notch resorts in the island. It's just amazing, with its beautiful stretch of white sand beach. I swear, I'm making it a goal of mine to go back there--with the right companion, of course!  It's the perfect place to just unwind and enjoy a beautiful sunset.

Coco Grove Beach Resort

And look, I even found honeymooners there! 

I know Siquijor has this reputation of being a "scary" place, with its supposed sorcery rituals and black magic. But let me tell you that there is nothing to be afraid of. Siquijor is just beautiful and is full of lovely people. It is definitely a place worth visiting.

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What Matters Most

As I was reading Rick Warren's The Purpose-Driven Life, the text for Day 16 made such an impact on me. Read it below.

What Matters Most

No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love. 

1 Corinthians 13:3b (Msg)

Love meant living the way God commanded us to live. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is this: Live a life of love. 

2 John 1:6 (NCV)

Life is all about love.

Because God is love, the most important lesson he wants you to learn on earth is how to love. It is in loving that we are most like him, so love is the foundation of every command he has given us: "The whole Law can be summed up in this one command: 'Love others as you love yourself.'"

Learning to love unselfishly is not an easy task. It runs counter to our self-centered nature. That's why we're given a lifetime to learn it. Of course, God wants us to love everyone, but he is particularly concerned that we learn to love others in his family. As we've already seen, this is the second purpose for your life. Peter tells us, "Show special love for God's people." Paul echoes this sentiment: "When we have the opportunity to help anyone, we should do it. But we should give special attention to those who are in the family of believers." 

Why does God insist that we give special love and attention to other believers? Why do they get priority in loving? Because God wants his family to be known for its love more than anything else. Jesus said our love for each other--not our doctrinal beliefs--is our greatest witness to the world. He said, "Your strong love for each other will prove to the world that you are my disciples."

In heaven we will enjoy God's family forever, but first we have some tough work to do here on earth to prepare ourselves for an eternity of loving. God trains us by giving us "family responsibilities," and the foremost of these is to practice loving each other.

God wants you to be in regular, close fellowship with other believers so you can develop the skill of loving. Love cannot be learned in isolation. You have to be around people--irritating, imperfect, frustrating people. Through fellowship we learn three important truths.

THE BEST USE OF LIFE IS LOVE

Love should be your top priority, primary objective, and greatest ambition. Love is not a good part of your life; it's the most important part. The Bible says, "Let love be your greatest aim."

It's not enough to say, "One of the things I want in life is to be loving," as if it's in your top ten list. Relationships must have priority in your life above everything else. Why?

Life without love is really worthless. Paul makes this point: "No matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love."

Often we act as if relationships are something to be squeezed into our schedule. We talk about finding time for our children or making time for people in our lives. That gives the impression that relationships are just a part of our lives along with many other tasks. But God says relationships are what life is all about.

Four of the Ten Commandments deal with our relationship to God while the other six deal with relationships with people. But all ten are about relationships! Later, Jesus summarized what matters most to God in two statements: love God and love people. He said, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart. . . .' This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments." After learning to love God (worship), learning to love others is the second purpose of your life.

Relationships, not achievements or the acquisition of things, are what matters most in life. So why do we allow our relationships to get the short end of the stick? When our schedules become overloaded, we start skimming relationally, cutting back on giving the time, energy, attention that loving relationships require. What's most important to God is displaced by what's urgent.

Busyness is a great enemy of relationships. We become preoccupied with making a living, doing our work, paying the bills, and accomplishing goals as if these tasks are the point of life. They are not. The point of life is learning to love--God and people. Life minus love equals zero.

Love will last forever. Another reason God tells us to make love our top priority is that it is eternal: "These three things continue forever: faith, hope, and love. And the greatest of these is love."

Love leaves a legacy. How you treated other people, not your wealth or accomplishments, is the most enduring impact you can leave on earth. As Mother Teresa said, "It's not what you do, but how much love you put into it that matters." Love is the secret of a lasting heritage.

I have been at the bedside of many people in their final moments, when they stand on the edge of eternity, and I have never heard anyone say, "Bring me my diplomas! I want to look at them one more time. Show me my awards, my medals, that gold watch I was given." When life on earth is ending, people don't surround themselves with objects. What we want around us is people--people we love and have relationships with.

In our final moments we all realize that relationships are what life is all about. Wisdom is learning that truth sooner rather than later. Don't wait until you're on your deathbed to figure out that nothing matters more.

We will be evaluated on our love. The third reason to make learning to love the goal of your life is that it is what we will be evaluated on in eternity. One of the ways God measures spiritual maturity is by the quality of your relationships. In heaven God won't say, "Tell me about your career, your bank account, and your hobbies." Instead he will review how you treated other people, particularly those in need. Jesus said the way to love him is to love his family and care for their practical needs: "Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me."

When you transfer into eternity, you will leave everything else behind. All you're taking with you is your character. That's why the Bible says, "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love."

Knowing this, I suggest that when you wake up every morning, you kneel by your bed, or sit on the edge of it, and pray this: "God, whether I get anything else done today, I want to make sure that I spend time loving you and loving other people--because that's what life is all about. I don't want to waste this day." Why should God give you another day if you're going to waste it?

THE BEST EXPRESSION OF LOVE IS TIME

The importance of things can be measured by how much time we are willing to invest in them. The more time you give to something, the more you reveal its importance and value to you. If you want to know a person's priorities, just look at how they use their time.

Time is your most precious gift because you only have a set amount of it. You can make more money, but you can't make more time. When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.

It is not enough just to say relationships are important; we must prove it by investing time in them. Words alone are worthless. "My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action." Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is "T-I-M-E."

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves. Men, in particular, often don't understand this. Many have said to me, "I don't understand my wife and kids. I provide everything they need. What more could they want?" They want you! Your eyes, your ears, your time, your attention, your presence, your focus--your time. Nothing can take the place of that.

The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolate. It is focused attention. Love concentrates so intently on another that you forget yourself at that moment. Attention says, "I value you enough to give you my most precious asset--my time." Whenever you give your time, you are making a sacrifice, and sacrifice is the essence of love. Jesus modeled this: "Be full of love for others, following the example of Christ who loved you and gave Himself to God as a sacrifice to take away your sins."

You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. "God so loved the world that he gave. . . ." Love means giving up--yielding my preferences, comfort, goals, security, money, energy, or time for the benefit of someone else.

THE BEST TIME TO LOVE IS NOW

Sometimes procrastination is a legitimate response to a trivial task. But because love is what matters most, it takes top priority. The Bible stresses this repeatedly. It says, "Whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone. " "Use every chance you have for doing good." "Whenever you possibly can, do good to those who need it. Never tell your neighbor to wait until tomorrow if you can help them now."

Why is now the best time to express love? Because you don't know how long you will have the opportunity. Circumstances change. People die. Children grow up. You have no guarantee of tomorrow. If you want to express love, you had better do it now.

Knowing that one day you will stand before God, here are some questions you need to consider: How will you explain those times when projects or things were more important to you than people? Who do you need to start spending more time with? What do you need to cut out of your schedule to make that possible? What sacrifices do you need to make?

The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time. The best time to love is now.

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Constant Change

Last Sunday, March 21, my senior students had their graduation ceremony. In one way or another, all of them had become my friends during their last year in college, when I handled a couple of their classes. A few of them, though, were already my close friends even before that. In this particular batch of graduates, I have the last set of people who knew me when I was still a student.

Graduation is always bittersweet. It's sad for me to realize that I will probably no longer be able to see these friends ever again. What strikes me most, though, is the fact that some of them were really close to me in the past, but no longer are. This is the unfortunate truth about relationships and friendships: they change. It's difficult to maintain an unchanging bond with someone for a long period of time. Things happen, conflicts arise, and people change, or move away. This is not something I realized just now because of my students graduating. It's actually something I noticed from a lot of my past relationships.

This truth brings out a fear in me because I am so scared of losing a person in my life right now. Sadly, it's this very fear that caused me to lose people in the past. I used to be really afraid of giving myself to people. I didn't want to be at the losing end of things. Ironically, it's only now when I'm trying to give myself without holding back and throwing caution to the wind that I feel happy.

I don't how this entry went from graduation to realizations in just a few paragraphs. I guess my point is that nothing is permanent in this world except change. But that doesn't mean that we shouldn't give all of ourselves to the people we care about. What is important is the present, and we need to recognize how precious it is and how we should value the people who are currently in our lives. This also is the only way that we will be able to make lasting relationships.

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Befriending Depression

It's almost unbelievable how so many of my close friends have depression. Just a few years ago, I wasn't even aware that depression was an illness. Now, I see that a number of the people dearest to me have it. And no, I'm not talking about "my-girlfriend-or-boyfriend-broke-up-with-me" grief here. I'm talking about the real thing, as described in this article (there is a better description somewhere, but I can't seem to find it at the moment). It makes me wonder, has depression really become so common? Or am I just a magnet for people with depression? Thinking about it, yes would probably be my answer to both questions.

I'm no expert, but while I do know that depression is sometimes caused by a person's genetic makeup, I also think that the lives we lead today can cause a lot of stress that can eventually lead to depression. We live fast-paced, hectic, and oftentimes impersonal lives. All around us we are bombarded by expectations of what we should do or who we should become. It's difficult to measure up sometimes.

As a Scorpio, I'm naturally very emotionally intense and introspective. I just don't have the ability to deal with people who have a shallow outlook on life. I think it's easy for me to get attached to people who have depression because I've found out that their depth of feeling and emotion is something I can really connect with. They are the type of people with the deepest, purest, and most beautiful personalities. Unconsciously, I pick them out from all the friends I have and put them in this special place in my heart. I'm not afraid to bare my heart out to them because I know they'll get me. (I hope they know I get them, too.)

Experts say that having a friend or loved one who is depressed is very difficult. That's probably true, but it really doesn't matter to me. Having them in my life is completely worth it. I also like to think that if there are people who can understand depression and deal with it, I'm one of them. I've been blessed with the optimism and determination to balance out some of their negativity. I don't want to change them (they're already amazing as they are), but I'll always hope that in one way or another, I'm able to make a mark in their lives and make them even just a teeny bit happier.

My friends who are depressed complement my existence in ways I cannot describe in words. They have taught me so many things about life that I would never have learned from other people, the most important of which is that I have to be grateful. I have to be grateful that I have the ability to feel happiness, because if you are depressed, that is a gift you just cannot seem to have. I love them to pieces and would never trade their presence in my life for anything in the world.

P.S. Depression is more common than we think. Please learn more about it. You never know who among your loved ones might be suffering from it.

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The Gift of Babies

I'm sitting in the classroom right now while my students are working on an exercise and I notice that one of them has brought a toddler to class. The little girl is about 3 years old, is extremely adorable, and has made me ponder about... babies.

I am amazed at how over the years, my perception of babies/children has changed so dramatically. Growing up as an only child, I was never surrounded by kids, and I always felt disconnected with them. It awed me when people were able to immediately bond with children who were not their own, because I always felt that I didn't know how to act around them and that they did not like me. As I reached my middle twenties, however, things started to change.

I must have reached the point that most women come to at some time in their lives. I suddenly started to like babies. I wanted to play with them, and most especially, hug them! I suddenly discovered that there is something wondrously beautiful about hugging babies.

I want to have children eventually, but I have to admit that I am in no way ready to have babies of my own at the moment. I'd want to enjoy being with my partner/husband first before I'd want to accept the responsibility of raising children. How I wish, though, that time did not give women limits to that!

I applaud women who have accidentally gotten pregnant but have chosen to keep their babies despite the risk of being stigmatized by society. I am pro-choice, but I believe that babies are gifts from God. There is nothing to be ashamed of with getting pregnant out of wedlock. Children are a blessing, and they will always be that no matter what time, age, or circumstance you have them.

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Someday

I am amazed by the beauty of this song:

Thank you, MLTR, for the much-needed inspiration. This song keeps me holding on.

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And...

...just like that.

I feel like a light in me has been extinguished; like the very thing that I was holding on to and was keeping me afloat is no longer there.

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Make Believe

Have you ever played an MMORPG?

Before 2008, I didn't even know what an MMORPG was. I grew up on the Internet but was never able to explore online gaming. That all changed when an ad for a game caught my eye on one of the websites I was surfing. Maybe I was just bored, but there must have been something appealing about the pictures I saw on the ad because I downloaded the game and signed up. This was in January 2008. Little did I know at that time that for the coming year, I'd get hooked on the game and practically do nothing else during my free time but play. The name of the game was Tales of Pirates.

Tales of Pirates (ToP)  is a 3D game that was developed by a Chinese company and produced by Internet Gaming Gate (IGG). It's the "western" counterpart of the Chinese/Singaporean Pirate King Online; western meaning most people playing are Europeans, Americans, and Latinos. I loved ToP because unlike most other MMORPGs, the fantasy world was bright, the avatars looked like real people, and the costumes were so pretty, I felt like I was playing dress-up with a Barbie doll.

Never having any type of online gaming experience before I played ToP, I was a total noob. The first character I created was a hunter. A hunter's main weapon is a bow, and can become a gun-wielding sharpshooter upon reaching level 40. I messed up the stats of my character at first because I did not know what I was doing, but she eventually became stronger as she leveled up, mainly because of the item mall points I was buying. Yes, I bought quite a lot of item mall points, and even though I regret doing that now, at the time I was playing, it made sense. Four months after I started, Avaya, my character, was able to get into one of the strongest guilds on the server.

Avaya the Sharpshooter
Guild: Smurfs

With a strong guild backing you up, you can do everything in a game. You get to dominate mazes and kill monsters that drop the best loot. Annoyed that sharpshooters died in battles really easily, I rebirthed Avaya into a cleric, with the help of my guild. Clerics are healers and magic dealers whose main weapon is a staff. Although not high-damagers, they are quite strong and are indispensable because they can heal, buff, and revive. Avaya was the first character to rebirth as another class (from sharpshooter to cleric) on the server I was playing at.

Avaya the Rebirthed Cleric
Guild: Phoenix

When you become powerful, however, and stop being a noob, things get complicated. It was awesome to be with the strongest people on my server, but for me, things slowly started to stop being fun, especially since I eventually became a guild leader myself. Everything started to be about responsibility. There were raids to organize, credits to calculate, and disputes to settle. The desire for my guild to succeed against our enemies (another strong guild with rich people who bought tons and tons of mall points to strengthen their characters) haunted me almost all day, even when I wasn't playing. What made it worse was the fact that in an online world, people can do dirty things they might not have the guts to do in real life. The politics was stressful; the deceit of people really disappointing. I soon wanted to no longer have any part of it. In December of 2008, I quit playing.

I realized that if you're playing an online game, it's so easy to believe in an alternate world which soon becomes your reality. It's not like playing Mario where you play against a computer. You interact with real people. Friendships and connections are formed, that's why you have to be careful about how involved you want to be. A lot of the people you meet in these games are just there to advance their character no matter what. These are usually the people I do not like. But in all fairness, I've also met wonderful online friends on ToP who I still remain friends with until now. Talking with one of them caused me to re-download the game client again the other day, just to see what was going on. I was pleasantly surprised with what I was met with. Old friends gave Avaya such a warm welcome, and people who have not met her before but have heard of her gushed about finally being able to meet her. LOL. It was heart-warming.

I will probably not be actively playing again--there are so wonderful things going on in my real life right now that need to be nurtured--but I guess I can still hang out in that alternate universe from time to time, to talk with friends and enjoy its 3D world. And if in any case you find yourself playing Tales of Pirates (not that I'd recommend an MMO to anyone, haha), don't hesitate to look for Avaya in the Coral Isle of Dream Island.

rebirth - a game feature that allows you to change the class and stats of your character; 
available only to level 75 characters and above, after performing a series of arduous quests

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Learning Christ

This is a prayer that was shared to me by a close friend a few years back. I hope it inspires you as much as it inspired me. 

Learning Christ

Teach me, my Lord, to be sweet and gentle in all the events of life: in disappointments, in the thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity of those I trusted, in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied. Let me put myself aside, to think of the happiness of others, to hide my little pains and heartaches, so that I may be the only one to suffer from them. Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path. Let me so use it that it may mellow me, not harden nor embitter me; that it may make me patient, not irritable, that it may make me broad in my forgiveness, not narrow, haughty and overbearing. May no one be less good for having come within my influence. No one less pure, less noble for having been a fellow traveler in our journey toward eternal life. As I go my rounds from one distraction to another, let me whisper, from time to time, a word of love to You. May my life be lived in the supernatural, full of power for good, and strong in its purpose of sanctity. Amen.

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Mahal Kita Kasi

"Pustiso ka ba kasi... I really, really can't smile without you."

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