Let Me Write the Words

When I was younger, I used to want to be a writer. It comes with the love of reading, I guess. I read so much when I was in elementary and high school, that I couldn't help but dream that someday, I'd be an author of something just like what I was reading. I remember writing for our school paper, and at some point I was even the Editor-in-Chief. When I was thinking of what program to take up in college, I seriously considered Creative Writing. But I took up Information Technology, and after that I never looked back. Everything literary in my life seemed to have been overtaken with the big T word: technology.

Where have those days gone to? I remember keeping a journal where I wrote my poems and stories. I think I came up with 8 poems that I was proud of. I even practiced writing my own "teen novel." Alas, I don't know where to find that journal now, and the person who wrote those things feels like someone else. I even find it interesting that I was chosen as Portal 2007's (the yearbook of Silliman University) Features Editor. How did they I know I was a (frustrated) writer? I sure don't feel like one.

I badly want to write again. Someone is inspiring me to write, and I feel like there are so many things happening in my life that I could write about. I also desperately want to submit something for Dark Blue Southern Seas 2010 (the literary folio of The Weekly Sillimanian), never mind if it doesn't get published. But nothing is coming out. I don't know how to start whatever it is I want to write, and I know I'm afraid to create fiction because it might come too close to reality and everyone would see what was in my heart.

Pffft.

I guess it all boils down to one thing--I am chicken. Deep inside, I'm really still very much afraid to express myself, which is something I really hate. I guess this is because of the innate Scorpio in me who's scared to reveal everything. Writing can be daunting because it is not just about imagination and putting words together, after all. When you write, you put yourself out there. You actually bare your soul for the world to see.