Ever since I could remember, my mom and I have always been at the airport every few months to send off my dad to work in the Middle East. When I was growing up, he was working in Yemen, and he'd be away for 5 months at a time, spending only one month here in between. A few years ago, he transferred to Saudi Arabia, and he's there for 70 days before he comes home for a 35-day vacation.
It's easier now. For one, I'm older and I think I've gotten used to it. The thought that he's only going to be a way for 70 days (as opposed to 5 months) makes me feel a little bit better, as well. But I could still remember the times in the past when I'd be unable to control myself and cry while his plane was taking off. At one point, I swore to myself, "Someday, I'm the one who's going to be leaving, and you're going to be the one who's left," addressing that thought to no one in particular. I achieved that, too, when I left for Japan on an exchange scholarship a few years ago. I didn't even like Japan, and I did not get credits for my stay there, but I wanted to go nevertheless, because of my insane urge to "be the one to leave."
As you know, I'm back in the Philippines (I was only in Japan for a year), with more love for my hometown and my country than before (having experienced what it was like to live in a foreign land), and with my wanderlust somewhat satiated. I still want to travel, but I no longer have this intense desire to live anywhere else. I know now that I could settle here (provided of course, that I'd be able to find someone here to settle with). One thing I've realized from all these is that I'm willing to relocate anywhere, anytime to be with the person I love. I've been away from my dad all this time, I don't think I can also handle being away from him who would become the most important person in my life.
I'm writing this entry because my mom and I had to send off my dad again this morning, and I'm amazed at how the airport, most especially airplanes, still tug at my heart every single time. I actually love airplanes to bits... but I know my love for them will always be bittersweet.
An Air Nippon Airways Boeing-747 at the Naha International Airport in Okinawa, Japan. (These jumbo jets are amazing: aboard them, you can hardly feel any turbulence due to bad weather because of how big they are.)
I love airplanes, I had never experienced what you had felt, but I know what absence is like. That's why it never mattered to me anymore if I'm away from the person I love. I've realized early on in life that the world has no permanence. And it had sewn on me that no one in particular will stay long with me. But you're right with going where the person you love is. That's how it's supposed to be, it's just my thinking is twisted on that area. I really want to get away from here. I've been here all my life, so I want to be somewhere new, like my desire for having new chairs every now and then. It's to change something in my place that I can't do at the moment.
ReplyDelete"And it had sewn on me that no one in particular will stay long with me." In the span of your entire life, a number of people will want to stay. But they can only do so if you don't push them away. :)
ReplyDeleteWala jud. Sometimes we leave our hometown in order to find it. It's true for me.
ReplyDeleteCorrection: sometimes it takes leaving one's hometown to find it.
ReplyDeleteOf course. It can always go either way.
ReplyDeleteYeah I need to get out of here. It's like how my Aunt felt when she went to the US, she loves it there, she only comes to visit but she never dreamed of leaving US to live here again. I have that feeling. The feeling that I never felt like this is my home. My experiences in life placed me in a position where I dreaded going home, first of all it was just a building to me and not a home because it was never harmonious at home. Though I have a family, I was always independent of them, like I was always the other child. I felt more of a guest than a daughter.
ReplyDeletePsychic
Yaaaa, those are what I usually end up on when going to Ph. So big ya. Oh, the most endearing thing? When the Filipinos clap once the plan has landed 8->
ReplyDeletePh-na-Ph
Nothing like being in the Philippines, no? Ehehehe.
ReplyDeleteYa ya love the "peenes" ehheheh.
ReplyDelete